According to CRAP chief executive officer, Duke Disciple, the stadium would be of great benefit to the area's many Packer fans who feel uncomfortable TV viewing their heroes indoors. "If you are a true Packer fan, you yearn for the thrill of frostbite fingers, frosted eyebrows, and numbed feet as Bart and his millionaire buddies drive for the season saving touchdown." CRAP president Schubi Holiday adds, "Eagle Harbor's outdoor Packer TV viewing stadium would be a first in the long and heralded history of Packer mania, sure to establish our fine community on the cutting edge of sports fanaticism. Just think of the national publicity we would receive. Not since the days of 'big copper' will there be so much world attention focused on the Copper Country."

According to sources, the concept evolves from a very successful snow stadium in Kiruna, Sweden, not far from the Arctic Circle. Kiruna is not a NFL stronghold, but we hear the hardy Swedes, like the hardy Packer fans, greatly prefer an outdoor setting for viewing TV broadcasts of the original football, a ball game played with a round ball, but without the sideline dancing girls and $5 hot cheese dipped pretzels.

CRAP financial and public relations advisor, Lonnie Bohemia, says the Eagle Harbor Packer Outdoor TV Viewing Stadium would generate needed tax dollars for the Township and County, and provide much needed employment opportunities for its citizens. According to Bohemia, "The stadium vending and snow pack maintenance jobs would provide stimulating winter activity for the town's many camp bound and bored senior citizens, and give hope to the many Eagle Harbor 'wannabes" denied the fulfillment of their dreams due to the lack of good jobs in the area." He adds. "Harbor taxpayers need not worry about the financial risks since rental revenue from the luxury boxes alone will be sufficient to repay the public tax dollars we are requesting for this project."

Neither Disciple nor Holiday would disclose the cost of the stadium, nor how much revenue the luxury box leases would generate. A CRAP press release late last week said "Luxury box lease revenue would be substantial given the many perks available to box renters - such as bear skin rugs to cover the ice benches and the lower wind chills that would be experienced along the top of the stadium."

The Eagle Harbor Packer Snow Stadium (tentative name - Holiday says naming rights will be sold) design consultant is reported to be Yooper Coldman. Coldman is a world renowned snow structure specialist (remember the igloos built to house the homeless in the canal cities last winter) Coldman, who has traveled extensively along the fringes of the Arctic Circle in search of work for his UP based design firm, has carefully studied the many snow structures built by the fun loving Swedes, Norwegians, and Finns. He says anyone who has ever made a snowman has the skills necessary to find work building a snow stadium. "From a designer's perspective, snow structures are a rich source of satisfaction (i.e. fees) since they need to be replaced annually."

When cornered by this investigative reporter, Eagle Harbor Township Supervisor Neverduck Shirk admitted that the Township Board was carefully evaluating the proposed stadium and CRAP's funding request. "Although business plans are rarely prepared for major Keweenaw development proposals, you can be sure Eagle Harbor officials will insist on one for this project, given the magnitude of the abuse of public funds involved." Shirk adds, "I plan to personally lead a delegation of Township officials on a month-long junket to the northern Scandinavian countries to confirm the claimed economic, social, and cultural benefits of snow stadiums."

The Eagle Harbor Web has learned that a local media baron, who has reportedly purchased the cable TV rights to all stadium events, will secretly pay for the Township officials' junket. The baron is reputed to have special connections in Finland, and it's said the junket will be disguised as a Finlandia University alumni travel tour.

A poll of Harbor winter residents taken at the Eagle Harbor Inn late on a recent evening disclosed mixed reactions to the CRAP proposal. Local redeveloper and Township trustee, Dick Lantz, says he's all for the project. "While I'm looking forward to the Scandinavian junket, I've already decided this is a good use of my neighbor's tax dollars. It will do wonders for my nearby redevelopment district and especially the halftime warming house I'm now remodeling at 3rd and South streets." (It's rumored that Lantz was recently awarded the warming house concession by CRAP officials. Disciple and Holiday refused to comment on this rumor, citing executive privilege.)

Inn impresario, Mary Probst, also supports the project, despite reservations about its economic feasibility. "It's probably a good thing, and God knows Disciple and Holiday need a constructive outlet for their abundant exuberance. Plus, we'll all have some fun at absentee property owners' expense." She cautioned, "However, I'm not sure our Packer fans are that enamoured with watching Packer TV broadcasts outdoors. Every time Dick and I open our Inn's outdoor court TV watching area in the winter, I've noticed that even the most rabid Packer fans tend to hang around the warmth of the indoor bar - at least until their antifreeze level reaches the minus 30 degree protection zone."

Longtime Harbor resident and former township supervisor Marilyn Marshall, was not at all pleased when she got wind of the CRAP proposal. "It's just outrageous! Probably the biggest public boondoggle since I was in office." Marshall, whose Harbor camp is just downwind from the proposed stadium, added, "Our local Packer fans are notorious for running around town in tattered Packer attire on game days, loudly shouting and swearing at game officials, chanting all sorts of weird incantations on third and two and red zone plays, and engaging in orgies of snacking and drinking. With Lonnie Bohemia involved, are we likely so witness bare breasted babes dancing in the stands? Would you want this in your neighborhood?" She also noted that the stadium promoters have had little success in similar ventures, noting, "Duke Disciple, for instance, has for years been unsuccessful in attempting to exploit his Eliza Creek Club Med franchise."

Less adamant, but equally concerned was Harbor musician, Paul Freshwater. Freshwater is a retired Proctor and Gamble marketing executive, who early in life scored a major coupe by marrying a local Foley girl. Freshwater says the market for true green Packer fans is rapidly evaporating. "My focus groups disclose a wholly different attitude about outdoor football viewing, especially outdoors TV viewing, by the new generation of Packer fans. They have been coddled by indoor stadiums, and wall size digital televisions set in warm, comfortable homes and public sports bars. Ask your kids. Would you sit out in the blustery cold to watch a Packer football game on TV? This stadium idea is just out of touch with reality!" Freshwater, who plans to be out in warm, sunny California by the time, and if, the Packers reach the NFL layoffs and perhaps Super Bowl, says it matters little to him if those of his neighbors addicted to experiencing the Keweenaw winters decide to build the stadium. "But let the CRAP investors waste their own money on their fetish. This is not a 'Field of Dreams' situation. If you build it they still won't come!"

Rattled by rumors of impending Harbor Web disclosure of their planned raid on the public treasury, Citizens Rooting for Aspiring Packers officials are reportedly considering other possibilities. CRAP's financial and public relations advisor Lonnie Bohemia is said to have recommended that they take their proposal to the County Board, a group, he feels, would be more receptive to accepting the job growth and added tax base claims at face value. If this happens, Eagle Harbor would likely not be the host town for the stadium. Odds are that Mohawk would claim the distinction as "Home of the World's First and Only Outdoor Packer TV Viewing Stadium." It would probably be situated in a terraced poor rock pile. "Not the same", says designer Coldman. "Real-man snow stadiums are built of fresh snow, not a bunch of terraced rocks. Eagle Harbor will have passed up a great opportunity for world acclaim."

CRAP president Schubi Holiday said to this reporter, "This is a real shame. You've screwed up everything. We thought we had this wired. " CEO Duke Disciple was out baiting his deer stand, and not available for comment.

Supervisor Neverduck Shirk, says, "I and my board colleagues are still looking forward to our junket to Scandinavia."

Editor's Note: Olaf Lombardi is a freelance investigative reporter who writes just to cause trouble. Neither the Eagle Harbor Web, nor its editors or owners take any responsibility for the many likely misquotes and numerous allegations of skullduggery contained in his report. The Eagle Harbor Web has no assets , so don't bother.>/I>